Final thoughts before filing

For the most part, I don't spend too long hemming and hawwing over what went wrong in a relationship.. whether it was her or whether it was me. If it was her then I can mark it up to poor judgement and if it's me.. well I'm not changin' anytime soon.

Or am I?

I'm ashamed to say that I did indeed break some of my most steadfast rules with this last relationship. She didn't like the tongue ring so I took it out (and of course the fucker grew over so I gotta re-pierce a third time) and that is just where the compromising began. I daresay all the compromising was done on my part.. most everything was done on my time, my dime, my everything. It's only now, after the emotions have mostly settled down, that I've come to a better understanding of everything. A fair bit of it was obvious, if only I hadn't been so "in love" or whatever I was.

I don't think it was really love, even if it kinda felt like it at the time. She was more of a person to take care of.. and I had some stupid notion that I'd be able to "guide her in a better direction" which's absolute bull shit since you can't help someone that won't help themselves. If they can't even admit they have a problem then it's really gonna go nowhere, and I really went nowhere with that person. Spent a great deal of time thinking of how to help and it really didn't do a hell of a lot of good since.. she wouldn't ever do anything. The last few weeks were pretty depressing and I suppose.. the relationship was all ready over and I was just going through the motions. What can I say, not always the quickest to pick up on these things.

I really wish I'd thought to get my shit before breakin' things off though. Damn it.. I loved most of those shirts I lost.

So. After the break up, a lot of shit that I'd let fly over my head really made sense.. mostly shitty stuff. Of course it'd be so. And we had a real nasty fight Monday morning in which.. well it was nasty and brief and very to-the-point. Most of my break ups tend to be long and drawn out and this way.. was definitely easier. More painful, maybe, but I'm past the whole sadness part and moved on to how I'm gonna portray her as "Bitch No. 12" in my biography I'll write one day.

Given a few days or weeks, that's all an ex becomes to me.. somethin' to poke fun at. All the emotions are eventually gone and all I'm left with is memories of what was good and what was bad.. and with her, as with all of them, the bad outweighed the good by far. The good memories usually drift away completely.. must've not been that fuckin' good if they're that easy to forget. I should probably start writing this book soon since I've seriously started forgettin' about women I've been with. Bitch No. 12 will become, like, No. 7 because I forget the other five.

Another chapter in the life, experienced and kinda regretted.